brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i think my mom watched the whole time
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
