bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dicks are not precious.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
