dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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