Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The adults are the big ones right?
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