I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
