Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
