I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
