I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
