Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
