his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
