Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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