I wish I could punch you in the face.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
