We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
