I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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