how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
