i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
