When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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