nutella sex= disaster
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
