No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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