one two three fourrrrnication!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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