So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
