its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
