drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
