dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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