she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
