Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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