we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
