He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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