She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
