I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
