I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
