Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize