Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Terrible idea I love it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
