so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
