i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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