Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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