there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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