I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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