hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i need some magic done to my vagina
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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