Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
