Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
