So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
