My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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