if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
