lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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