i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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