The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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