I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
