I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
