Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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