Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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