only if we run a train.
done.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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