Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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