He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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