Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
