mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
