i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
