her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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