I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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