Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize