I never want to see another naked old woman again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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