i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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