Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she looked like the before picture.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
