How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
