Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize