she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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