How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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