yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
